Maria Nila "Schist" Defining Fiber Cream - $18.75

This low-shine fiber cream creates the perfect "I haven't showered in days but somehow look amazing" texture for Dusty's calculated rock star hair rebellion.

The Behind-The-Scenes Truth: "I have the most complicated, super tough hair known to man! That's why I trust only Estaban for the best cuts," Dusty regularly announces to anyone within earshot. In reality, his thick hair with a mild, forgiving wave is quite literally the most ideal hair type possible—the kind hairstylists dream about working with.

Estaban (real name: Harvey, working under his dead uncle's license after dropping out of hair school due to an Adderall addiction) knows Dusty is completely delusional but plays along with his hair neurosis. Why? Because Dusty's evangelical recommendations send him a literal army of wannabe followers paying exorbitant rates for "specialized" cuts that are actually the same basic men's cut Harvey learned in his abbreviated beauty school tenure.

When Dusty asked for a product that would make him look "You know, dirty and gross but still super clean and hot," Estaban suggested this Maria Nila "Schist" fiber cream. Dusty was immediately sold: "Wow, I feel like a dirty rocker! But not one that doesn't work out. Schist? What does that mean bro?" Estaban nodded with absolute seriousness, "It means rock rebel!" "Rock on!" Dusty replied enthusiastically.

What Dusty doesn't know: "Schist" sounds remarkably like the German word for "shit"—a private joke Harvey/Estaban enjoys every time Dusty raves about how his hair "always has the perfect amount of schist in it."

Pro tip: For $18.75, you too can look like you haven't washed your hair while actually using high-quality ingredients like shea butter and olive oil—and unwittingly tell people you have shit in your hair in German.

Minerals Schist Wax 50ml / 1.7oz - Fibre Wax | Maria Nila