Jay Swain's Less Intimidating Iconic Look

Poor Randall stared at Jay's text message: "Make me appear approachable to these acting workshop starlets. Less intimidating. Still powerful." He muttered, "How do you make a velociraptor seem more like a fluffy dachshund?" This from the vampire who had literally murdered pool boys for looking at Evangelyne (when all he does is cheat), "disappeared" competing studio executives during contract negotiations, and woken up Randall at 3 AM with glowing red eyes and exposed fangs demanding a "snack" before his workout.

Nevertheless, Randall assembled Jay's "totally not terrifying" ensemble:

• French Connection Single Tipped Polo in Light Gray - Because nothing says "I won't drain your blood" like a discounted polo shirt
• Karl Lagerfeld Paris Slim-Fit Black Shorts - The carpenter loop conveniently doubling as a place to hang small torture implements or breath mints
• Birkenstock Kyoto Sandals - Vampire Vengeance Edition ($150) - Formerly belonging to the pool boy who made the fatal error of bedding Evangelyne. Jay didn't just fire him—he took his footwear as a trophy. The bloodstains were surprisingly easy to remove
• 99-Cent Cowhide Belt - Actually Randall's own belt, surrendered during a particularly intense staring contest
• "FASHION" Graphene Boxer Briefs - A Temu special courtesy of Kandi, who's locked in a passive-aggressive scent war with Jay's wife

The result? A 400-year-old vampire royal who still looks exactly like what he is—a predator in designer clothes—but now with shorts and surprisingly comfortable German sandals! Young actresses still instinctively back away when he enters a room, but at least now they compliment his excellent taste in footwear before fleeing. Randall considers this a major improvement over last month's workshop, where three talent agents mysteriously developed anemia.

As Jay himself observed while admiring his reflection (yes, that whole mirror thing is just vampire propaganda): "Nothing says 'approachable Hollywood mentor' like a vampire in stolen Birkenstocks."