DUSTY'S "THIS TOTALLY SHRANK IN THE WASH" HENLEY

This Vuori Short-Sleeve Tuvalu Henley isn't just a shirt—it's Dusty's favorite humble-brag delivery system. Meticulously pre-shrunk in his precisely calculated "hot but not too hot" dryer cycle, this $58 "everyday tee" has been strategically sized down to showcase every muscle Dusty has spent hours naming in mirror conversations with himself.

The three-button placket provides Dusty with endless fidgeting opportunities during conversations, each calculated unbuttoning timed perfectly to redirect attention to his chest without appearing deliberate. Despite Vuori's specifically engineered shrink-resistant natural fibers, Dusty's go-to line whenever he catches someone looking remains, "Ah man, this t-shirt shrank!" – a claim he's practiced delivering with just the right mix of annoyance and false modesty.

Dusty insists on the Deep Sea colorway, having spent exactly 47 minutes in front of a department store mirror confirming it's the perfect complement to his eyes. He's workshopped the exact head tilt and gaze angle for when someone inevitably asks about the color. "It's called Deep Sea," he'll say with practiced nonchalance, looking upward just enough for the store lighting to catch his irises at their most azure. This move, which he calls "the ocean stare," has been refined through hundreds of bathroom selfies deleted immediately after perfection was achieved.

Dusty keeps a rotating stock of these henleys in various stages of "accidental shrinkage," each one cataloged by which specific muscles they highlight best. The sleeves grip his biceps with what he calls "just the right amount of compression for circulation" but what his stylist calls "exactly two sizes too small."

His favorite move? Volunteering whenever anyone needs anything retrieved from an upper shelf, stretching dramatically upward while sighing, "Oops, this shirt shrank again" as the carefully calculated hem rises to showcase his abs – a coincidence that somehow happens with statistical impossibility every time attractive people are present.

When questioned about his apparent collection of identical shrunken shirts, Dusty launches into a detailed explanation about Vuori's "performance features" that somehow transitions into an unprompted flexing demonstration and a story about that time he "almost" got cast as a Marvel superhero.

• Note: Henley does not come pre-shrunk. Dusty's "perfect fit" requires purchasing at least two sizes smaller than recommended and an advanced degree in strategic shirt tugging.

Short Sleeve Ever Henley | Men's White Henley T Shirt | Vuori